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I'M ALONE AND EH KINDA LONELY (2024 VERSION)

Does the title look familiar? It should if you've been to my page before. Like all good stories, we have a trilogy and 2024 is the last installment. That is...until I turn into Colin Trevorrow and toss out three more.


2022 - I'm Alone; I'm Not Lonely which is a 25-year-old's revelation that there's no one around to hold her hand anymore.


2023 - RE : I'M ALONE BUT I'M NOT LONELY is a 26-year-old's leap to a new continent on a solo journey to regain her appreciation of self.


2024 - I'M ALONE AND EH KINDA LONELY is my now: a 27-year-old's discovery that Smash Mouth was always right. Our years start coming, and they don't stop coming. I've been well aware that getting older means the circle gets smaller. It's natural, you leave your peers and move up the ladder. I've mourned the life that I thought I'd have at this point but I had no idea that my 27 would look as it does.


I've spent the last chapter living with two other people and working for a large agency, within a team. However, since the new year, I've changed both my apartment situation and updated my LinkedIn. I'm living alone, in a neighborhood where I've got no prior friends. I've changed my career path and leaped back into beer...as a one-woman department. Unintentionally, I've isolated myself. I'm coming home from work to my own reflection, and not the start-of-a-musical-number-Mulan-way.


I wanted this. I wanted to be back in beer and I knew that comes with 1) being one of a handful of women company-wide and 2) being a team of one. I wanted my own place, despite knowing that my energy comes from being around other humans. I wanted and still do, to have this chapter of my ever-developing storyline.


But I can't deny that it could turn into a lonely chapter. I'm torn on if I'm excited about the chance to really stand on my own two feet or if I want someone to hold my hand. Is there a happy medium? There usually is but it takes trial and error to find. It's only been a few weeks in my new place, and a few weeks longer that I've been seeing someone. However, there is no clear sight as to what's just around the river bend.


I don't know what Chapter 2024 holds in the theme of loneliness. Will I not only stand on my two pedicured feet but also fly in the process? Maybe this is going to be the chapter where I'm not scared of UPS and where I'm motivated by the blank slate. We can hope. Will I have my hand squeezed at the moments I need it most, to not feel so alone? I'd really like that.


I'm not scared to turn the page, unaware of what each new day brings. I'm ready to smell the roses and keep the train going, despite knowing I've walked into an empty car. After all, this was always something that I wanted for myself.



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