I'm feeling blunt; so let's cut the chase and skip my typically abstruse word-play. I got dumped. It was a short-lived romance and not serious in the slightest but still unideal nonetheless. Am I upset? Clearly. Who likes to be told they're not worth another's time? Who wants to get a "hey, we still on for tonight?" text at 5 PM but then a "hey, you seem like a great girl but..." message an hour later? Who wants to sit there, all ready to go for another date night when a swift rejection pings into iMessage? I wish this was a hyperbole too, but alas....no.
I'm not that upset; I did not feel the ~magic~ within the dates. I'm not upset because the plans we had made are now canceled. I'm not upset that the fantasy or future that I created in my head has come to a halt.
I'm upset that there's one more apartment building to avoid. I'm upset that I've lived another failed attempt at a happy ever after. I'm upset that to play the game, you are subjected to the odds of losing 99% of the time.
But..I'll continue to play.
I'll take my thirty-second timeouts. I'll use up my ninety. Heck, I might even take a halftime or forfeit the match on occasion. I'm not always warmed up to swing or in the mood to head to the ballpark.
Despite my cycles of pause, I'll go to bat again and again.
There is no winning unless you play the game. And the hope, not the promise, of hitting a home run is what keeps me (and most of us) coming back.
I'm meeting humans with interesting stories, with uncommon personality traits, with creative talents, and unique style. I'm learning something about someone. I'm learning something about myself. I'm learning about the Marvel Universe, about sous vide cooking, about professional soccer, and about the opera. I'm sharing art, beer, and my excitement for the National Day Calendar and newfound love for Connections.
I'm learning more about myself each time the target isn't acquired. They want to go? Okay, show them the door. They don't want to see you? They don't get to see or follow your social posts either. They want to go hours without a word? They're speaking volumes.
It's not always easy but the bottom line is to go where you're wanted and not lose a second of sleep over those who aren't actively choosing to be in your corner.
However, it's still difficult and scary. Yet..I'm still willing to give my time in exchange for a chance. And there is no chance without suiting up for the 3-4 hours of drinks, art galleries, picnics in the park, and wine on the rooftop. I'm consenting to be vulnerable, to be open, to be willing, and to let myself feel all the things.
Because it only needs to align one time.
