RE : I'm Alone But I'm Not Lonely
Updated: Feb 10
It's been a few months since I've publicly declared my solo status. I've been through my ups and downs but I can 2000% confidently say I am so ecstatic that I am alone. I'm entertainingly dating but confidently single, I'm not living with anyone at the moment, I'm not on the same professional track as anyone in particular, my educational journey / peer group has ended. I'm not tied down to any place or person in the slightest and the freedom that my soul feels is incredible. Do I have moments where I wish I was someones missus? BTW - just learned this New Zealand slang. Well, of course that would be lovely. But I will never settle for someone who can't give me more than I can give myself. I just didn't know until late about how much love and care and experience I would be able to provide for myself while being overjoyed about the entire thing.
I'm updating my I'm Alone ; I'm Not Lonely blog because although the base premise is the same - there's more to share. I took myself on an "Eat, Pray, Love" journey. I've never seen the movie and most likely should have. Regardless, I've come to the post-dumping conclusion that - drum roll please...HE WAS RIGHT. He was holding me back. I didn't see it then or even when he'd mention it more than a few times, but oh I do now. And I'm almost appreciative in the ending because it's lead to way more than I could have expected. I'm thankful that I have my wings, my confidence, my self worth, and my sense of adventure back. I was willingly confining myself within county limits when I'm the type to take a weekend trip to new heights if the situation arises. But back to topic - I understand that Julia Roberts left her relationship by choice and my situation was much less glamorous but the idea is the same. You're who you spend the most time with, and as Frida says - "I am my own muse. I am the subject that I know best. I am the subject I want to know better."
Like Julia Roberts, I embarked on a quest to accomplish a goal of independence, self discovery, and exploration across the globe. Unlike Ms. Roberts, I stayed in one country but still very much accomplished the three pillars.
EAT - I've put some questionable items in my mouth and probably will again but at least when I do it in Japan it's ~cultured~. I've munched on beef tongue, octopus balls (literally, maybe? I'm not sure), sushi that I could not name if a gun was to my head, and sooooo much ramen and rice. I've snacked on dried seaweed and sipped on melon flavored sodas. I didn't worry about calories or if I'd look bloated post meal. I ate and drank like a queen, well, because I am one - even if only to myself. I was nourished.
PRAY - Setsubun is the ceremonial and calendar marketing from Winter to Spring in Japan. There's large ceremonies at all major temples with the wearing of red masks and throwing soy beans to scare the evil of the Winter elsewhere. You're told to leave the doors and windows open to let the evil out and the good in. You give coins and prays in hope for good fortune and favor. You get trinkets to represent the luck that you're looking for. I paid ¥500 for a silk creation that was labeled "traffic safety"; if you know ANYTHING about me then you understand this was an incredible investment. I offered ¥50 to the alter in exchange for a fortune card which is drawn by shaking a vessel until a wooden stick comes out and then matching the symbols of the stick to a drawer within a large wall. Which did The Universe decide to bestow upon my blonde little head? Only THE BEST FORTUNE :
And before anyone can doubt this..there was some bad fortunes granted to others members of my newly assembled hostel posse so not all that offered to the alter were blessed as fairly.
LOVE - I've been half joking and half serious about the whole "Eat, Pray, Love" pillars but The Universe is a powerful thing. I've manifested a lil, fun connection without ever having an intention of doing so. I was, pre-trip, marking the "love" pillar as a self love...but let's be real. I'm already so in love with myself and my journey that my head can't possibly become any bigger. I refused to kiss and tell more than I probably have in this blurb so I'll leave it with my favorite reply to my many, many stories of my new heaps of friends :
So as a final addition to the original post, and to conclude this lengthy amendment - I'm happily alone, and cheerfully never lonely. I am my own best friend, with a world of great friends around me. I'm thankful for my self confidence back and for those who are welcoming to my chaotic energy. I'm beyond grateful for old friends and new because of them I've found peace in being alone and they've made me feel never lonely.