I DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND, I WANT A...

I should rephrase. I don't want JUST a boyfriend. I've accidentally manifested a little TOO much with this website forum, but this is going to be 200% intentional. I've quit the apps. I don't go out much in the ways that I used to and I don't keep a roster to pull from. I'm not giving myself the opportunity to find a partner but yet, I'm expecting the fireworks.

I've been in relationships where I've had to ASK to be called pretty because it hadn't happened in weeks, I've been in relationships where something else was ALWAYS more important, and I've been in love with someone who couldn't stay up the extra hour to make sure I got home safe when I always did for them. But regardless of it all, I had a body to call my boyfriend. And I think I let that behavior continue/stay because I wanted the relationships high.

I'm not that dumb anymore and haven't been in a while. I'm single because it hasn't happened and because I don't want JUST a boyfriend. Without being cocky, I could have one if I decided tomorrow. But it would be one of the several dates that were clear serial monogamists. Or the love bombers that would've tripped me up in 2022. I don't want unhealthy for the sake of a title. I want to be patient (which I am horribly bad at) in hope of finding the right one.

I want someone who will put their phone away on a night out to enjoy but text me when they're home safe. I want someone who thinks my jokes are actually funny and not just because they want to get laid later. I want someone who thinks of me when I'm not around and tells me so. I want to be missed when they're on work trips. I want a shot glass upon their return without having to hint or ask. I want someone who thinks about my sensitive piercings and has the airplane pillow on deck.

I want someone who's ready to burst into song the moment the first note hits instead of telling me to turn it down. I want someone who smiles at me across the room while they entertain a group rather than someone who doesn't even want to go to the house party. I want someone who makes dinner while I'm making two too-strong cocktails. But they don't complain that it's 70% hard liquor or that my mixer of choice is a Leinenkugel. I want someone to dance with me. In the living room. On the subway platform. At the bar. Everywhere, anywhere.

I want to know that my string of texts will be met with replies and loops rather than "Clare, come on, I'm busy and don't care that someone in Hamberg just broke a hot dog-eating record". I want to be validated and given security because I know I can provide that as well. I want someone who is honest, even when it's difficult because it's my biggest ask.

I want someone who on any given Sunday, could lay in bed with me for all six Jurassic Parks as the main course and ET for dessert. Or we take that Sunday and do an Amtrak day trip to Philly to run the Rocky route or visit the Magic Gardens. I want someone who knows balance, and healthy communication and has a work ethic that doesn't need my encouragement but will get it regardless.

I want someone who loves Facebook Marketplace just as much as I do. I want someone who knows art, and music, and can trade stories with me about both. I want someone who will get pedicures with me and isn't afraid of femininity. I want someone who owns a stud finder, even if I have my own.

I want someone who matches my energy. I want someone who doesn't need to be reminded how important the little things are. Or how the big things don't need to be so big. I want someone who gets it, and gets me, and I know them in the same manner.

Overall, I want someone that I'm confident would volunteer us for a cruise ship version of the Newlywed Game. And be even more confident that we'd win. Is that too much to ask?