I had so much fun with my Judah & the Lion album review that I thought I'd give Drake's surprise drop a chance. For those of you that know me personally - you know that this will be a painful experience for me. I will be critiquing heavily. I have a very vocal distaste for October's Very Own. He just seem stale to me. I also have a strong theory that any male or female, or whoever, that has Drake on their Spotify Wrapped is toxic. It's proven valid. Drake isn't it but maybe some songs on his newest and seventh studio album might be.
I also would like to state that despite my anger towards the Canadian or any other artist, I will ALWAYS give the album art a fair chance to shine. Unfortunately, Aubrey Graham failed us here. Honestly, Nevermind looks like a bad tattoo job in Ink Master. It's St. Mark "The Tattoo God" failing at a lettering and detail challenge. I love art and I believe album art is a great expression of beauty in music but not here.
Unlike my past album reviews, I will not be going in depth per song but rather short annotations since this is a long album. I'm just gonna call out some red flags as I hear them and count 'em up. Alright - like always..FROM THE TOP!
Intro - I just feel like an intro of a voicemail or just an instrumental, like he does here, is a red flag. I understand its setting the mood but we don't need 30 seconds of elevator music to make this work.
Falling Back - It feels very 2016. I know, I know we allll said we want Summer '16 back but Drake is not the person to deliver that mission. Also there's a solid thirty to forty seconds of him singing falling back on me in the whiniest voice ever. I did not finish the song - very quick skip after the 15th falling back on me in a row.
Texts Go Green - It feels like the opening to a Glee song, but the seasons post Finn's passing (RIP) where everything got kinda cringy and uncomfortable. I picture Artie and Tina dancing on stage trying to pull it off when it clearly does not work. Maybe Puck comes in because it's about Quinn blocking his number. Alright..now I'm full out planning a Glee music video. NEXT.
Currents - I'm hearing bed spring noises..as the bass? It's a red flag. It's the kind of song that high schoolers think it would be cool to have sex to. I hate it.
A Keeper - He said why would I keep you around? and I already got pissed. He literally titled the song keeper but is tossing his girl to the side FIRST LINE. He bouncing to another girl. I found a new muse, that's bad news for you. I'm over this.
Calling My Name - Did he say your pussy is calling my name? Oh..logging off. You don't SING THAT. You can text your significant other if that's your MO. It's same vibe of Jack Harlow singing I give her sweet, sweet, sweet semen. I'd rather live a life not knowing.
Sticky - Eric..do not bring the girls to the stage. I'm feeling The Weekend vibes but also Beyonce's surfboard. It feels very club in Miami at 2 AM. VIP table ass shaking type song. But only at the point when you're too drunk to care what's playing.
Massive - I officially have a headache. Boo bee be boo bee be. You know how bad it has to be for me to not like it? I love beep bop music, heavy dup step, and techno sounds coming off a computer.
Flight's Booked - I kinda like how it started..but we went down hill fairly quickly. Energy did not keep up. It's elevator music again...
Overdrive - I'm getting country mixed with Stranger Things as the intro. As for the rest of the song - it doesn't have spark, energy, creative, nothing. At this point, I'm kinda annoyed that Spotify's data is storing that I'm listening to this. Big data doesn't need to think I'm a fan.
Down Hill - I love the title. Down Hill we go. I bet you didn't know this was a Drake slander page...well now you do. It feels like elevator music again with a little too much autotune.
Tie That Binds - We have gentle house vibes - Petit Biscuit type jam. But also some Spanish trends as well? John Summit or Dom Dolla will be doing a remix. I'm calling it. MAYBE then I'll give the song a chance. Baby I'm feeling all sort of things. Same here but not the good kind.
Liability - HA. I'm listening and all I can picture is if the Iron Giant had a fan cam. It would be him singing this song. It's feel robotic and cringe. I've used cringe a few times and I do not regret it at all.
Jimmy Cooks - I like 21 Savage so I won't go toooo hard here. Life, life is the only thing we need. Dumb lyric. It's way more classic Drake but that ain't my type of music. I'm struggling to get through this but I want to get to 21's verse. Lemon pepper. Yes, I agree. 10/10 Savage. I also love lemon pepper and that's all I needed to hear to approve his verse.
ONLY full song I could get through was the Intro and I think that tells you everything you need to know. I feel like I'm betraying 2015 Clare who would've loved this but that's because she was just going with whatever was cool in high school. She didn't find her taste. And now she's got a good palate which is far, far away from Drake. I hope Forever21 and your local pizza place have a fabulous time playing this for you because as far as I can tell, this album is gonna be glorified background music.
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